Archive for Category ‘Uncategorized‘

Howto: Vegetable Soap.

20g
INGREDIENTS:Sodium Palmitate, Sodium Palm Kernelate, Aqua, Glycerin, Fragrance(parfum), Titanium Dioxide, Sodium Chloride, Tetrasodium EDTA, Triclocarban Tetrapsdium Etidronate, BHT*.

MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR FLORA GROUP OF HOTELS.

*I can only assume that this is the vegetable content.

A Pledge

I will write something every night this week.

This is something.

What?

The bank saga continued (concluded?)

OR How to expedite dealings with [INSERT BANK NAME] in one easy step.

1. Go into a bank branch and tell them you are closing the account and that you would like them to cancel the credit card applications that have now been pending for four months. They will beg you not to close the account (which you will accede to, if only to avoid the spectacle of making a rotund Bahraini man with braces cry) even when you say that you have arranged for your salary to be deposited into an account with a competing bank. You may assume at this point that, given their insistence that the only thing holding up the credit card issuing was the fact that you had not yet made frequent enough deposits, had not provided sufficient bank statements, pay slips and stool samples and please would you give us one more chance we can change we swear we can, that this would be the last of it and you could move on with your life, free of [INSERT BANK NAME].

Your credit cards (3) will arrive by courier, unannouced, in 8-10 working days.

Things that probably shouldn’t be a thing

Combine:

- Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics

- Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail

- Corporate shilling for Gatorade

The result:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4Wp-qk_4pI&hl=en&fs=1]

What a world, what a world.

Further Things I Did Not Know Were A Thing

fu·nic·u·lar (fyŏŏ-nĭk’yə-lər, fə-)
adj.

1. Of, relating to, or resembling a rope or cord.
2. Operated or moved by a cable.
3. Of, relating to, or constituting a funiculus.

n. A cable railway on a steep incline, especially such a railway with simultaneously ascending and descending cars counterbalancing one another.

Also I am in Istanbul right now. I can not use any contractions because I do not know where the apostrophe key is located on this crazy keyboard. The man behind me is trying to clear up some sort of misunderstanding involving a text message from a woman, via Skype.

Crazy are you crazy I love you I kill you.

A Milestone

So this is it, after 28 years and a journey of several thousand kilometres, I have finally attained the ultimate state of ‘New Zealandernessism’.

I have joined a Rugby Club.

The Bahrain Rugby Football Club to be precise.

Granted, its only so that I can gain admission into the British Club, and use their pool and drink their cheap Guinness, but its still enough to make a man want to put on some stripey socks and pose with my arms crossed while Dave Dobbyn blares in the background; whipping myself into a frenzy of angry drunken disbelief every time my chosen group of men in tight jerseys fails to beat another group of men in similarly fitting garb in the contest of falling over at a designated place whilst carrying a ball.

Or something. Clearly I’m not good at this.

A picture is worth…

In which our intinerant blogging hero encapsulates the whole messy world of culture vs consumerism, old vs new, tradition vs youth, east vs west in one strikingly pithy image.

IMG_4213

BAM

My week so far, in pictures

Well just one picture:

fail coke

A Lament

For the guy/gal who invented those glasses where you look through the zeros.


You had a pretty good run. Perhaps its some consolation that in a thousand years or so your idea may come back in vogue.

Or you could start poking out people’s left eyes in preparation for next year.

Jus’ sayin.

Happy festive season

A time of year when everyone gets together with family to share good company, good cheer, and maybe burn a few things.

(to be fair, the first one was an entirely accidental electrical fire)

dsc_0077

dsc_0091

dsc_0089