Monthly archive for October 2009

WordPress (juvenile) hilarity

What the world eats

What the world eats

Human Universals – Part 1

This is going to be a coffee table book one day.


A tip for young players

It’s time to leave the party when:

A) You are pouring rounds of shots, the main ingredient of which is ‘Blue’
B) You are humming the cantina song from Star Wars
C) You are challenging Navy divers to a holding your breath competition.
D) All of the above, simultaneously.

Ben reviews: Every Episode of Madmen ever made.

Scene: Two guys in very expensive looking suits sitting amongst meticulously researched period furnishings. After all, it is the 1960s.

Guy 1: Oh my! Its ten am! It must be time for some scotch! After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 2: but of course sir! I hate to be presumptuous as my name tag clearly states “Young Turk gunning for your job” but perhaps you would like a cigarette also? After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 1: But of course you annoyingly ambitious young scamp who reminds me more than a little of myself! Let me just finish this cigarette which I am currently smoking! After all, it is the 1960s!

There is a knock at exquisite panelled mahogany door. The men pause briefly to admire the sweeping expanse of Guy 1′s office, taking in the tasteful and period appropriate decor and musing to themselves upon how impressive this will all seem to someone say, fifty years hence. The door opens and a mousy looking woman enters. Her eyes say “I’d be totally hot if I took off this pointy cone bra and let my hair down and shook it about, just so”.

Secretary lady: Oh, hello gentlemen, I was just checking to see if everything was okay? Perhaps you’d like to make an inappropriate comment about my bottom? After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 1 and Guy 2: Ha! Broads! They sure are dumb but cute in that curvy way that will seem charmingly incongruous to later audiences should this one day become a serial on the television!

Guy 1: Well enough frivolity for one hour! I’m off to get laid! After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 2: (nudging and winking) Off to see your beaten down but beautiful suburban housewife who is struggling under the burdensome expectations of the faded American dream? Working herself into a socially unacceptable mental disorder on account of worry about keeping herself beautiful, maintaining a tidy home, raising your generic children and the looming threat of nuclear war with the reds? After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 1: My wife? Don’t be preposterous! I’m off to see my mistress, a heretofore unknown archetype – she’s single and likes it, involved in the arts, and lives in a stylish loft apartment! Weird I know, but hey! it is the 1960s!

Guy 2: You old dog you! How I admire you whilst also blatantly plotting your demise! Another cigarette?

Guy 1: Of course! After all, it is the 1960s!

Guy 1 stubs his half smoked LUCKY STRIKE cigarette out on the carpet, a previously unnoticed man of colour, wearing a satin waistcoat and bow-tie leaps out of a shady corner and expertly sweeps up the cigarette butt. The others pay no heed to him at all. After all, it is the 1960s!

Roll credits.

Haiku Review

Wherein your oft absent host reviews restaurants you will never see or eat at, in Haiku form.

For our debut:

The Clay Oven – Adliya

Are you guys open?
Wear some more perfume lady.
Pretty good korma.

Lessons learnt, poolside

The old “sneak up behind the guy threatening to push the girl into the pool and push them BOTH into the pool” bit is a lot less fun when you consider that everybody carries a thousand dollars worth of electrical equipment on their person at all times these days.